no. you can't hotbox the world.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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