atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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