i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
