based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
