glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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