Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everything about him screamed your future.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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