____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have already put on my inside pants.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.