Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.