So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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