i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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