Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
People in love make me want to vomit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
