Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
