You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
