Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
