I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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