i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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