I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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