look no pants
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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