if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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