Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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