Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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