I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
