I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
