you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
