My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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