So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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