I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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