I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
