His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
