it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
