awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
