woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
