If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
