so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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