Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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