No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
