I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
