I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
