3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
