i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
