you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
