I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
