Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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