I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
