Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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