i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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