Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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