watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
