I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
