Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize