come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
