Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
