Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
