Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
