I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
