Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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