I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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