i dont even know how to be here
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
