We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
