the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
