I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
