My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I touched a dick in church today
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
