Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
